


on a lonely road where happiness needs us

by blue_roses



Category: Persona 5
Genre: F/M, Getting Together, Hanging Out, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, SORRY IF I WASNT SUPPOSED TO TAG ALL THAT SHIT, warnings for kamoshida arc apply here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-11-07 04:15:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11051136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blue_roses/pseuds/blue_roses
Summary: ann knew feelings before love





	on a lonely road where happiness needs us

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bleubelle](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleubelle/gifts).



> this is a gift for ashie, happy bday i'm sooo glad we're friends and i'm grateful to have u in my life!!! i hope u had a great day and i'm sending u lots of love!!!
> 
> title from bye bye baby by noname!!

  Ann fell in love with before actual people. She couldn’t have possibly known this at sixteen. Between saving the world, her best friend, her career, Ann never thought romance would be a part of the equation. She’d fallen in love, once before her second year of high school. And it ended a year earlier. Before Kamoshida came, before so much began to fall apart. 

 

  She couldn’t consider the tragedies she faced blessings, but she could consider them gateways to something new. Ann fell in love with a lifestyle before her teammates. Step by step into a different world, with a classmate and a half friend.

 

  Then she fell in love with the two in question, at the same time, and things took a turn for the strange. 

 

-

 

She learned about Kurusu through rumors. Through Sakamoto’s attachment, through everything except the person himself. Shiho had even said between classes that he was kind. When Ann pushed further about it, what he was trying to say to her, what she wanted to say, Shiho went quiet. But that was to be expected. Ann was learning to get exactly what she expected. 

 

-

 

  Sakamoto was loud. Loud, brash, bruised. But somehow still smiling. Ann wasn’t that happy back then. Difference scared people away from her, that was just the way things were. Second year of middle school. He’d come in with a black eye. For once, he was in full and proper uniform, and that strange attention to detail startled Ann more than anything else. 

 

  He was grinning like he’d won the lottery that day, and Ann never truly forgot the look on his face. 

 

-

 

She didn’t know what else to say when her phone was clogged up with calls from the same number. Her best friend hardly looked at her. Ann couldn’t bite her lips or clench her fists too tightly, but she’d do  _ something _ . 

 

  Missed and missed and rejected calls. There was a voice in the back of her head telling her that her body was the only thing she had. Maybe she could use it, maybe she could use it and cure Shiho’s ailments. The unanswered questions distanced them, as they naturally always did. Ann tried to call her parents. Both, in ten minute intervals. 

 

 Responses never did come when she needed them the most. 

 

-

   Ann didn’t mean to cry at a cafe, in front of a boy she barely knew. The calls lodged down her throat, choking her up but never leaving marks. In a metaphorical sense, Kurusu Akira gave her a cough drop and bought her tea. Not a cure but a remedy, a reminder she needed to be strong. 

 

 He was quiet. Quiet yet persistent enough to chase her and take her here. He never got too close, never offered himself, or tried to come onto her. Ann never thought she’d appreciate the kindness in distance before. 

 

_ Ah _ , she’d thought after a long sip of iced tea,  _ this is what kindness looks like _ . 

 

 The rumors do him wrong. She’d like to get to know him sometime, once all of this is over. 

 

-

 

  A part of her dies when Shiho jumps off the roof. Between her own hoarse voice and the complacent, indifferent people that surrounded her, she almost thought she was the one dying. 

 

  The ride was long. So long, yet she couldn’t hold Shiho’s hand for long enough. Couldn’t stop crying. Couldn’t stop thinking that if Shiho died, there’d be nothing left of Ann. 

  Anger comes quickly after she leaves the hospital. As if it was waiting underneath her the entire time. She’d kill him. She’d  _ fucking  _ end him if that was what it took for Shiho, for herself. 

 

-

 

When asked, Sakamoto yelled at her to back off. Kurusu remained quiet. Ann tried to say something else, but her mouth stayed shut. She knew both of them were kind at heart, but she wouldn’t let them bullshit her into standing by. 

 

She should get used to taking things into her own hands. That was what she decided in Shiho’s hospital room. Ann would stick to her guns no matter what it took.  

 

-

 

 Sakamoto probably didn’t think he was standing up for her that day. Middle school field trips never went well for her. Normal skirts became too tempting for men who couldn’t even hold back from licking their lips. She’d gotten some leggings from her closet the next day, a heavy jacket to cover up any possibility of seeing her stomach.

 

  And it was summertime. Shiho asked if she was sweaty, and Ann had brushed it off. People either thought she was pretty or fresh or exotic or they thought she was too foreign. Boys especially. Didn’t matter what anyone said about misguided crushes, she saw the looks in their eyes. There was no way she’d believe this was about love. 

 

  She wasn’t yet used to it. Teachers yelling, classmates being able to see her, somehow more exposed despite the clothing change. That was when Sakamoto spoke up. 

 

  Well, more like he made a ruckus. They were at the aquarium gift shop, and he decided to loudly ask for money. It took him some time to gain attention, and he’d approached their homeroom teacher while she stood there. 

 

  She couldn’t remember how much shit he got for it. All she remembered was him gesturing for her to scram, and her offering to pay for what he wanted at the gift shop. 

 

  “Thanks Takamaki,” he’d said, “I’ll tell my mom you spotted me.”

 

-

 

  And sometimes the first step is doing exactly what you’re told not to do. Ann was rescued, then rescued herself. And Kurusu. And Sakamoto. And the talking cat that still freaked her out a bit. She’d rub it in a bit, but there were grander things to do.

 

  Under Carmen’s embrace, for the first time, she was uninhibited. And if you were there, her smile, her rage all pointed to the same conclusion: that she was damn well happy about it. 

 

 With this, with these shaky teammates and her Persona, she could fix things. She  _ would  _ fix things. 

 

-

 

Sparing Kamoshida was the hardest decision Ann had ever made in her sixteen years. She didn’t regret it, simply because it’d leave a stain on her conscious. 

 

 There were things she needed to atone for. 

 

-

 

  She spent more time with Sakamoto, Kurusu, and Morgana. It was natural, considering the whole Phantom Thieves gig they’d had going on. They’d snack on the school roof, watching the sunset at times when none of them had anything better to do. Kurusu started picking up jobs, and with Morgana tagging along and Ann’s inconsistent schedule, it often ended up being just her and Sakamoto.

 

  He hadn’t gotten her anything carbonated after she reminded him the first time. Sakamoto had his back laid on a crate, which looked uncomfortable as hell. Another crate supported a good part of his legs, but his ankles still hung loose. As did his head. Ann had decided to sit on the ground next to him, eyes half shut. 

  Yesterday was a long day of shoots and hospital visits. Days had gone by like that when she wasn’t having these meetings. Kurusu had realized a few minutes earlier that he had to leave for some errand or another. Which left the two of them alone. 

 

 “Hey Sakamoto,” she said, “remember when you covered for me in the aquarium? Back in middle school?”

 

  He half groaned half sighed, “Are you gonna ask me to pay you back  _ now _ ?”

 

  “I was going to say thanks, but thanks for reminding me about the money,” Ann laughed when he fully groaned this time. But once theatrics were over, they went quiet again before Sakamoto cleared his throat. 

 

  “You know Takamaki, I’m glad you’re here. And while you’re here, you can call me Ryuji. We’ve been friends for a while, right?”

 

  Friends? Ann felt strangely speechless about the title. She couldn’t think of anything all that meaningful to say except, “I feel the same way Ryuji.” Her mouth felt dry at the unexpected familiarity, and how warm the sensation felt in her chest. 

 

   It was a start. 

 

-

   “I’m stuck,” she said to Kurusu over coffee. He nodded, waiting for her to continue as he always did. Since the very first time. 

 

   “I guess I just. Need to figure some stuff out, you know? But talking with you helps more than I thought talking could. I don’t know if I’m rambling or anything,” she sighed, “I just feel lost. Like there’s nothing keeping me here sometimes except sadness.” 

 

   “And you want that to change?” he asked. Ann could see his eyes dart from his cup to her face. She almost shivered at the sudden exposure, but knew it was important not to. This wasn’t a bad thing. She didn’t want him to misunderstand, this wasn’t a bad thing. 

 

  She thought about Saka-- _ Ryuji  _ for a brief moment as she tried to come up with an answer that should be so simple. She didn’t know how to feel about a lot of things, but she wanted to get to a point of happiness. That much should be simple enough to say. Maybe she just needed Ryuji’s directness. 

 

  “Yeah,” Ann said, “I do. And uh, if you haven’t been calling me Ann before, you can now. We should all be familiar with each other, yeah?” Her laugh came out nervous, but he never minded that. Never minded a thing.

  “And you can call me Akira,” he said, “I don’t want to seem too distant.” 

 

 There was an importance to that she wouldn’t yet pick up on. But she knew it meant so much that she wanted to turn the moment into her own treasure. 

 

-

 

   They both decided to protect her when she got herself a stalker. Even though she was used to the gazes, to overly familiar voices and footsteps, they still insisted. Ann didn’t want to be a damsel, but something touched her in their joined sincerity. It wasn’t coming from a demeaning place, that was what she had to remember. 

 

  Akira went closer to her side, Ryuji behind them looking out. Ann was vigilant herself, even when the situation ended up being a weird misunderstanding. 

 

   “When we all have time, I’ll treat you to something.” Akira’s subtly excited  _ thank you  _ and Ryuji’s less subtle,  _ hell yes!  _ kept her looking forward. She had a feeling strange things would lay themselves out in front of her eventually, for now she could enjoy things.

 

-

 

_ Something  _ ended up being crepes, because she had a budget and every single one of them had a sweet tooth of sorts. They ended in the underground walkway. Ann unintentionally leaned against Akira a bit while listening to Ryuji talk about accidentally burning the breakfast he wanted to make his mom. 

 

  “If you come to Leblanc, I could teach you how to cook,” Akira was nonchalant enough about it to fool most people, but Ann knew the truth. Ann was the one physically close enough to feel him tense.

 

  She didn’t assume much then. Just listened to Ryuji agree, with a slight resignation that turned into enthusiasm when Akira mentioned he bought a gaming system. Ann liked video games and the three of them together. Morgana was always a plus after she realized he was just looking for companionship, but there was something different about the Akira and Ryuji she couldn’t put her finger in.

 

  Maybe it was that they were human?

 

-

 

   She wasn’t sure she was going to like Kitagawa. Nude modeling was beyond her, and thinking about his potential intentions made it all the worse. But accidentally bringing him into Madarame’s Palace changed things. 

  He was just as hurt as the rest as them. He just didn’t have anyone to rely on. It took a little time for them, but Ann liked him enough to call him Yusuke soon enough. They’re an overly familiar bunch, it seems. 

 

  Eventually, after  _ Sayuri  _ is in its new home, they spend time together. He saw her as a muse, not an object. And now he said he saw her as a person. Ann believed him, wholeheartedly. She wouldn’t have judgements ruin her the way they’d once ruined the rest of her life. 

 

  But it was different from her other companions, and she didn’t know why. 

 

-

 

 A few days later she ended up at Ryuji’s house playing games. They’re tied, and have since resorted to trying to nudge and yell to get the other distracted. His mom had left an hour before, she was always open hearted and accepting. Ann couldn’t go to Shiho’s house, and she didn’t want to impose on Leblanc too much, so she tended to wander and eventually text him asking to come over.

 

 They always ended up playing Dokapon Kingdom when they got to his place. Ann had no idea the game existed, and Ryuji had given her the most offended look she’d ever seen on him. Akira was going people watching with Yusuke, so he’d dragged her over to his place to play. She’d created a thief, him a warrior. He helped her set up, and then it was everyone for themselves.

 

 That was what he’d said, but it was more along the lines of:  _ we work together to fight the CPUs and then try and kill each other after.  _ They’d try to distract each other in battles, steal each others towns and kills, and make a goddamn ruckus doing so. But it was fun, after doing what she needed to do, Ann finally got to do what she wanted to do. 

 

 As per usual, Ann ate dinner there before going home. Both Ryuji and his mom gave her way too much food, trying to make her at home. Thought there was a lot she heard through the grapevine, a lot she saw and didn’t understand in middle school, she knew they were happy. That they were making the best of things.

 

  Every time they wrapped up, Ryuji’s mom insisted Ryuji walk her to the train station. They both used to protest this more often, but had given into a mother’s stubbornness. Ann wouldn’t admit it, but these moments were important to her. She still hadn’t figured out why, but they were. 

 

 They walked a little slower than usual, Ryuji hanging behind with a weird look on his face. Ann stopped walking partway to the station. It took him a belated few seconds to come to a full stop as well. 

 

   “Hey, what’s up with you?” Ann asked. 

 

  Ryuji looked confused for a minute, had to blink a few times and shake his head to come to, “...oh. Uh, I was just thinking about stuff.”

 

  “Uh, what stuff?” She sighed. He was being weird about this, and the best way she knew how to ask was to be a little pushy.

 

  Ryuji sighed back at her, “I don’t really know how to say it. But, you liked Suzui in middle school, right?”

 

  Ann stilled. She didn’t know what to say when she felt even hotter than usual under the setting sun. When her lips became chapped, the inside of her mouth dry. When all she could do was look at him in fear and ask, “How?” 

 

  Ryuji chuckled, a little more bitter than she’d expect, “I’m not completely stupid you know. I can notice things too,” he almost said something else by the looks of it. But held back. Ann wondered if it was for his or her sake that he did that.

 

   “I did,” Ann said, “and I don’t think you’re stupid. If I ever push too far, I’m sorry for that, but why are you asking me that?”

 

   “Because I think I like our leader,” oh. Ann’s thoughts went quiet.  _ That  _ kind of like. 

 

   “Oh,” she said, “I’ll support you, you know that.” 

 

   “Thanks,” he said. Ryuji shuffled his feet for a moment. Looked down, then up. Then down again until she said something. 

 

   “It’s no problem. Do you need like, advice or something?” She was twirling her hair without realizing it. Ann didn’t realize how tense she felt until she acknowledged her own nervous habit. 

 

   “Yeah. I can text you. If you want me to, I can text you,” he sounded choked up. Shit. She hoped she didn’t make him cry. She’d seen him riled up before, that wasn’t super hard to do. But crying? Ann wouldn’t know what to  _ do _ . 

 

   “You can. I’ll get on the train and you can text me,” Ann had no idea how she managed to stay so calm. To smile. But she knew she wanted to take a photograph of his smile.

 

  Yellow against orange and pink and happiness. Ryuji smiled like everything was going to be okay, wide grin with the small gaps in his teeth. Shining, white fucking teeth. Eyes shut, face scrunched up in a pure kind of joy. He was beautiful. That was all Ann could possibly think, beautiful. 

 

  She let him glow as he goes ahead of her. Simple and thoughtful at the same time, it took a lot of courage for this. A little intuition and a lot of courage.

 

  She didn’t know why she was feeling so weird afterwards though. The whole ride home her surroundings felt like they were the wrong shade of green. 

 

-

 

  Ann and Akira went to the diner for studying. 

 

  Correction: Akira came with the intention of studying, Ann came with the intention of studying and figuring out if Akira liked guys. Ryuji didn’t know she was doing this, but she needed to know. She also wanted to figure out her own feelings. Her confusion, frustration, in places where there should be support and happiness. Not to say they weren’t there, they were just...clouded.

 

   She was half explaining English to him. Hand holding a pencil that skims over his notes to explain every concept, The deeper she went into things, the less she had to think about what she was saying. Akira had a habit of listening before talking, before thinking sometimes. Made him easy to talk to under the surface, but hard to get talking. 

 

  “Are you okay?” he asked. Ann was in the middle of explaining grammar rules again. English was a tricky fucking language, so she went over things until she was sure he understood. Ann looked up from his notebook to the boy himself.

 

  “Ah, I’m okay? I was just thinking,” she chuckled, brushing her hair back and hoping he’d take that as an answer.

 

   He didn’t. Akira didn’t touch first, not usually. But he lightly gripped her hand and looked directly at her when he said, “You look like you’re about to cry Ann. What’s wrong?”

 

  Ann managed to breathe. She was blushing, why the hell was she blushing this was never about her. Exhale. This wasn’t about her.

 

  “Hey,” she asked, “what do you think about Ryuji?”

 

 Wow. She suddenly wanted to go to the bathroom. That wasn’t a smart way of saying that, especially when they’re in a diner supposed to be studying. Akira wasn’t letting go of her hand, but he seemed….different? Akira didn’t blush easily, but he was now. 

 

  Holy shit. Maybe this actually worked. Akira always looked his best in Leblanc. Half lidded eyes, deliberate and kind silence. A slight hum he might indulge in depending on his company. He was learning how to make company, looked like an expert even if it didn’t turn out too great. Akira had an energy that radiated the idea that he knew what he was doing.

 

  This time the brown, neutral colors of the diner, those similar to Leblanc, made him stand out instead of blend in. Akira made an effort to be on a plainer end when he went out, but he seemed to glow in their shared booth.

 

  So that was what love did, huh? 

 

-

 

  Why did she look like Akira and Ryuji in those moments whenever she thought about them? 

 

-

 

 It took some time, after going through the moments in her brain to make two conclusions and act accordingly. One was that Ryuji liked Akira, and Akira liked Ryuji. The other was that she liked both of them. 

 

  She texted them both saying that they liked each other and turned off her phone. She didn’t have anything to do that day. Ann finished shoots, and the hospital was closed. She took a brief glance at her bedroom mirror and sighed.

 

  Like with Shiho, she’d put away these feelings. Envy green was the one color that didn’t suit her. 

 

-

 

  On a Sunday morning, Ann was angry. At Nijima Makoto, for interfering. Being a hypocrite. At the circumstances that could potentially disband the one place where she truly felt at home. At meetings after meetings and rut after rut. At herself for the fact she never followed up about whether the two she keeps thinking about are going out. She’d barely seen them in an attempt to investigate. 

 

   Ann woke up late with nothing to do. Again. Shoots weren’t coming as easy ever since Mika. She didn’t sleep all that much, instead settled for playing phone games until late in the night. Ann was tempted to ignore the rest of the world again. She got dressed quickly enough. Pulled her hair up. She could wander in Shibuya for a bit, think. Buy something cute. It’d help. 

 

-

 

   A dress and two headbands later, Ann saw Akira. To her credit, she didn’t run. And he didn’t make any moves to chase her. He just walked, straightforward as always into her. 

 

  “Let’s go to Leblanc,” he said, “I want to check up on you, and here isn’t the place.”

 

-

 

  Checking up consisted of coffee, awkward conversation, and a few minutes later, Ryuji. There was a notable absence of Morgana, and Ann knew that meant something.  _ What  _ was a completely different matter. 

 

  Ryuji was panting when he came in, and Akira patted on a stool next to ann for the former to catch his breath. Ann looked around at the two of them, their brief interlocking hands, and knew. Then, Akira spoke, and she really didn’t know. 

 

   “I believe we both have, uh, feelings for you. And each other,” Akira sighed. Hands resting in hands as he leaned against the counter. Ann went silent, even her gasps held no sound. 

 

   “We talked about it,” Ryuji said, “that’s why we took so long. Sorry bout that. But, do you wanna talk about this upstairs?”

 

   Ann blinked. A couple times to make sure she wasn’t dreaming some weird, self indulgent dream. Then she pinched herself. Pinched Ryuji, who yelped. Akira, who half squeaked. Ann laughed at that part. Then she saw.

   Happiness was always a concept to her. A concept that became two people that became this moment. 

  Her life had ended too many times, and she’d risen up. It was lonely for so long, and now it didn’t have to be. 

 

  Ann stood up first and made sure to lead her loves to a familiar place. 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope everyone who reads this likes it? esp ashie. luf yew.


End file.
